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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27964082">to all the boys who’ve loved me before (it was only a matter of time)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/writermercury/pseuds/writermercury'>writermercury</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Angst, Arson, Asphyxiation, Buried Alive, Dark, Doyoung is a dick, Drowning, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone Is Gay, Fire, Football | Soccer Player Nakamoto Yuta, Gay Male Character, Graphic Description, Graphic Description of Corpses, Heavy Angst, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Long paragraphs, M/M, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Poisoning, Psychological Trauma, Psychopathology &amp; Sociopathy, References to Drugs, Sexism, Substance Abuse, haechan is a psychopath, haechan killer, im sorry, johnny is a dick, psychopath haechan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:47:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,403</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27964082</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/writermercury/pseuds/writermercury</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>it’s moving day, and donghyuck reminisces on all the boys who’ve loved him before.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Kim Jungwoo/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to all the boys who’ve loved me before (it was only a matter of time)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was moving day for Donghyuck, a day fairly common for him. He’d moved around his whole life, never staying anywhere for too long to call it a real home. But he liked it that way; a never-ending journey filled with change and excitement every time he packed his boxes again (which, by now, happened every week). He didn’t need a specific place to call home, since the young boy made every new location his new home. He was happy with his situation. </p><p>Donghyuck slowly picked up a small, locked box, eyeing it with a nostalgic smile before setting it into a box. He knew what was in that box, and he missed the memories concealed within it. The boy pulled off the key taped to the bottom of the box and slowly turned it in the lock, watching as it fell, and the box lid opened the slightest bit. Slowly but surely, Donghyuck opened the box to reveal many photographs, some coloured and others monochrome, all of Donghyuck with several other boys. He sighed deeply as he hugged the photographs to his chest, closing his eyes as he recounted the memories that came rushing back to his head so suddenly.</p><p>The first photograph was of a boy called Kim Doyoung. Ah, Kim Doyoung. A bittersweet memory, full of both good and bad. See, Doyoung was Donghyuckl’s first love, at the naïve age of only 17. They were inseparable for 4 years before their relationship even began, and nobody was truly surprised when they announced they were dating. </p><p>Initially, Doyoung was everything Donghyuck wanted. A sweet, loving boyfriend who was the right mix of funny and serious at the right times, and a genuine boy who truly did care about Hyuck. He often wondered where it went wrong. He supposed it was when Doyoung started college, and he gained a new, interesting group of friends. Doyoung started coming home past midnight, either high or drunk off his ass, and that’s when Donghyuck saw his true colours. He heard the remarks that Doyoung had dared not uttered previously, the emotions he dared not display.</p><p>Donghyuck knew their relationship was coming to an end. He knew how many side chicks Doyoung had, and how little he cared for his so-called boyfriend anymore. The boy swore to himself that if he heard Doyoung call another girl who wore a skirt slightly above the knees a whore, he would go insane. Doyoung had turned into everything Donghyuck despised, and yet he was still in love... painfully so.</p><p>It ended when Donghyuck came home to Doyoung in bed with their neighbour. He knew it was happening, but he acted like he didn’t, hoping Doyoung would realise his mistake and try to stop the emotional turmoil he’d created for them. But as their neighbour ran out in embarrassment and Doyoung hung his head in shame, Donghyuck felt every ounce of betrayal he had been supressing. Donghyuck could still remember the boom of silence that resounded over their apartment as his boyfriend couldn’t even look him in the eye.</p><p>That night, Donghyuck ran out and Doyoung ran after him for what seemed like the first time in years. Yells of “I’m sorry” and “I’ll make it up to you” filled the corridors and streets Donghyuck ram through, all the way to the old shed located about half a mile from the city. Donghyuck simply uttered, “I know you will” as a response to Doyoung’s begging while he walked into the rusting shed, full of cobwebs, spiders and other unknown creatures.</p><p>As Donghyuck hit Doyoung over the head with a loose metal pipe he found propped up against the door, a feeling of power blazed through his body and coursed through his veins, seeing Doyoung so powerless and vulnerable like a bug to be crushed under his feet. With a bit of a struggle, Donghyuck tied Doyoung to the wooden post in the middle of the shed and waited for him to wake up.</p><p>And as Doyoung woke, screams and begs left his mouth in a bid to escape and save himself from the fate that would soon come crashing down upon him, a cruel end forced upon him by the boy he was in love with. Donghyuck poured gasoline all over Doyoung haphazardly, his eyes exuding no emotion as he stepped back. The boy stared blankly at the love of his life as he tossed a lit match onto the ground and allowed the past 6 years to be swallowed up in red flames. Screams yet again filled the shed, screams of agony, as Doyoung withered away to a pile of ashes on the ground. </p><p>The memory alone was enough to make Donghyuck shake a little, staring at the photograph of him and Doyoung when they were no more than best friends.  A bittersweet memory was all that Doyoung now was, a hallucination existing nowhere but in Donghyuck’s memory. He smiled as he reminisced on the past they shared. He didn’t regret anything. That night and their relationship made him the person he was. </p><p>Donghyuck put the photograph down and stared at the next; a monochrome picture of him and a man about twice his size standing next to one another while holding hands at the gym. Ah, Johnny Suh, Donghyuck’s second boyfriend. He remembered clearly how they met; at a coffee shop just a twenty-minute walk from Doyoung’s ashes. Johnny slid into the seat opposite where the younger was sitting, and, well, the rest was history.</p><p>Johnny was never the nicest guy; he was more of a stereotypical jock which was quite the difference to Donghyuck’s last relationship. Nevertheless, they definitely worked in the beginning. Apart from a few snide remarks here and there in reference to Donghyuck’s weight or his looks, Johnny was a good boyfriend. Calm and collected, yet he knew how to be serious when Donghyuck needed him to be. He was perfect.</p><p>As with Doyoung, it quickly took a turn as Johnny began to increase the amount of hurtful comments towards Donghyuck’s every flaw and insecurity, bashing down his self esteem until he became dependent on what Johnny thought. Johnny was definitely someone who seemed perfect to Donghyuck and constantly told him so; he had a lot of muscles from his regular gym workouts and he was objectively extremely handsome. He was perfect.</p><p>In the ensuing months of their relationship, Donghyuck started to lose his sense of sanity. Johnny was pushing his buttons, and flashbacks of what he’d done to Doyoung haunted him every night like a demonic spirit intent on pushing him down the abyss of evil. To this day, Donghyuck couldn’t remember exactly how he ended up at the gym for probably the first time in his life, hours after everyone had left and his boyfriend was left working out by himself. Maybe it was instinct, or maybe something else. Not that it mattered.</p><p>There was something sweet in the way Johnny’s face twisted into one of shock as he fell to the ground, with his boyfriend sitting on top of him. Hyuck smiled so warmly and sweetly that Johnny instantly felt put at ease. His lips formed a smirk as he stared up at his smaller boyfriend, his expression fading into one of fear and confusion as Hyuck brought his hand to the boy’s neck.</p><p>Hyuck still remembered and relished in the memory of Johnny’s fear; it was so exciting to remember how he made such a big person crumble under him like that. He let out a light laugh as he remembered Johnny’s struggle to push him off as the hand around his neck tightened and tightened and tightened, until his body went completely limp. Hyuck had gotten up slowly and stared down at Johnny’s pale, lifeless body with a sense of victory washing over him. He’d left the gym that night with a calm smile on his lips, vowing to never let another man walk all over him.</p><p>Hyuck giggled to himself as he pushed that memory to the back of his mind while picking up a different photo. This was in colour, and showed him hugging a boy similar to his size. Hyuck didn’t even need to see his face to remember the third of his boyfriends, Mark Lee from Canada. </p><p>They’d met at Mark’s restaurant where he was the head chef. It was a sweet meeting, with some cheesy pickup lines exchanged here and there along with some awkward flirting from Mark. Shortly thereafter they got into a relationship and Hyuck deemed Mark the best so far. They fit together, like a puzzle piece, and their relationship was nothing if not cute and awkward in the best possible way.</p><p>The problems started when Mark was never there. Being a head chef, he was busy. All the time. Loneliness enveloped the younger boy as he waited all night for Mark to stop working and come home. And when he was home, he would simply sleep until he had to wake up again. The cycle continued as Hyuck’s mind spiralled down into what became an addiction to Mark and he didn’t know what to do with himself. He craved him, more than anything.</p><p>Hyuck didn’t know how he came to the decision, but the neglect messed with his head until he had enough. He made a vow only months before to himself, and to that vow he would stick. So that night, when Mark came home to a cooked dinner, Hyuck watched as he ate every mouthful rather quickly. There was a rather devious feeling, Hyuck found, to knowing that someone was breathing their last breaths. He watched in complete silence as Mark suddenly started choking and holding his throat, his body slumping out of the chair onto the ground.</p><p>Hyuck remembered with a soft smile how Mark gasped for mercy, blood spilling out of his mouth as his heart slowly gave out on him. After a fruitful 2 minutes of Mark begging as loudly as he could in such a state, the room was finally filled with silence as his voice declined into the afterlife.</p><p>Donghyuck let out a quiet sigh at his memories of Mark, placing the photo back into the box gently. He treasured the memories they created together, even if Mark wasn’t there to reminisce with him. The next photo was of perhaps the most memorable boyfriend he’d had thus far, a Korean boy by the name of Moon Taeil. </p><p>Taeil was a swimmer, not national level but he had a few awards here and there. They’d met when Hyuck almost drowned and Taeil saved him. Quite the cliché. Since then, it was love at first sight for both of them, Taeil ready to risk his life for the younger boy he loved so greatly.</p><p>Hyuck remembered the exact moment they’d had their first argument. He’d started singing as a joke, the song half full of soft giggles while Taeil laughed with him. It was a simple comment, that pushed Hyuck down the mountain of insanity. A simple joke poking fun at his singing, and that was all it took. Donghyuck remembered his vow from almost two years ago. He wouldn’t let this happen again.</p><p>That’s how he had found himself at the outdoor swimming pool later that night where Taeil was practicing. It was surprisingly easy, actually. He simply pressed a button that covered the pool with a strong glass exterior, and watched as Taeil tried to beat it and get out of the pool. There was something twisted, yet satisfying in watching the panic flourish upon the swimmer’s face, and Donghyuck simply smiled at him as the glass finally encased him like he was a piece of art. Which he was, to Donghyuck. It was a shame he had to go.</p><p>Donghyuck watched with a devious glint in his eye as Taeil used the small space between the glass and the water to breathe, tears running down his face as he tried to make sense of what was happening and why his boyfriend was trying to kill him. Donghyuck had compared him to a fish caught in a net back then; he was panicked and trying to escape, not knowing that his fate was nearing.</p><p>It was a shame, really, that the glass was soundproof. Donghyuck wanted to hear the screams of agony as he turned the temperature all the way up to searingly painful heights, but the visual left little to his imagination anyway. After an hour of watching the struggle dissipate slowly and the life escape his boyfriend, Hyuck walked out of the pool area and all the way home. </p><p>The young boy sighed happily as he stroked the face of Taeil on the photo, thinking of the beautiful end he had shared with his lover. Quite a long time after him though, was a cute boy by the name of Taeyong. Just the photo of them stroking a dog together was enough to elicit a smile out of the boy as he remembered their story together.</p><p>Taeyong had owned a puppy shelter, that’s how he met Hyuck. He was definitely a stereotypical dog boy, cute and loving, adorable and kind. It was obvious that Donghyuck was reeled in like a hawk to a corpse, Taeyong feeling just the same towards the pretty tan boy that visited every day. </p><p>Everyone and their mother had known that Taeyong loved and adored his puppies more than anything in the world. It was that which scared Donghyuck, the fear of being replaced. It drove him crazy beyond belief, his mentality falling into a pit of misery and bloodlust. So, when one day Taeyong told him he loved the new puppy more than him, Hyuck’s heart shattered.</p><p>It took a while, the young boy had to admit. Training dogs was beyond difficult, but he gave himself credit where it was due. He had done extremely well. Soon enough, one day, after a month of being away while Donghyuck took care of the shop, Taeyong was knocked to the ground by the very animals he’d loved for years. Donghyuck smiled simply and calmly as he heard the screams emerging from the room next to where he was, restraining himself from stepping in to watch as the dogs tore Taeyong limb by limb. He’d found it more fun to leave to his imagination.</p><p>With that memory, Donghyuck quickly moved to the next photograph. This one took slightly longer to recognise, but he remembered eventually. It was a coloured photograph of him on a soccer pitch, cuddled up to the city’s soccer player.</p><p>Nakamoto Yuta. The sixth one. The city’s golden soccer player; recognised widely for his skills in the game. He wasn’t quite a nationalist, much like Taeil, but he could full well be considering how good he was at the game. Nevertheless, he was extremely humble, and not to mention sweet, loving and funny... the whole package. Luckily, Yuta had thought the same about Donghyuck, and their relationship quickly blossomed.</p><p>Donghyuck remembered the fateful night of February 17th, a cold winter night where Donghyuck was watching Yuta practice. At that point, they’d been going strong for almost a year, with Donghyuck’s lust for death fading away. </p><p>As he stared at the photo in his hands, Donghyuck remembered how Yuta had kicked the ball towards his face. It was probably an accident, but all Donghyuck had registered at that moment except Yuta hugging him and asking him if he was okay was adrenaline. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he walked over to the equipment shed, the moonlight barely revealing his figure at all, concealed instead by death’s kiss. He had grabbed a spare football post, and before Yuta could even utter another earnest apology, Donghyuck had rammed him into the wall and drove the post through his stomach, impaling him with not a second thought. </p><p>Ah, that was a good memory for him. Perhaps the most gruesome yet, but definitely his favourite. He’d never felt such power as he did in that moment, staring into Yuta’s eyes as they cried out his own brain. It was an image he could never forget.</p><p>And then there was the last picture, which left Donghyuck with a small hole in his heart. Him and Kim Jungwoo, staring at each other like soulmates. Maybe they were. Much like Taeyong, Jungwoo was quite the cute person. Though he had his weird moments, he was a sweet guy who wanted the best for Hyuck. Their parting had in fact affected Hyuck so much that he could barely remember why they did fall apart.</p><p>Donghyuck sighed sadly as he remembered they’d argued that night. Jungwoo had always gone out on mountain walks as a way to calm himself down, which he did shortly after their screaming match earlier in the day over nothing in particular. Donghyuck had to admit as he was tailing his boyfriend that they were, in fact, quite calming. </p><p>The photo of them together reminded him of how Donghyuck had snuck up so slowly... like a predator to prey... and gave Jungwoo a small nudge. That was all he needed, Jungwoo having no time to react nor scream as he fell onto the sharp jagged rocks below them. Donghyuck had found it dissatisfying, to say the least. He still felt to this day that Jungwoo deserved something more extravagant than a simple push off a cliff, but desperate times call for desperate measures.</p><p>Donghyuck placed the last photo in the box before closing it and locking it again, placing it gently into the larger moving box. He hadn’t reminisced on the past for quite a long time, it being a whole 5 years after Jungwoo’s death after all. It brought back memories he needed to remember and gave him a light feeling in the chest.</p><p>Though, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he needed more. He didn’t end with a bang. His craving to watch life fall out of someone’s eyes wasn’t yet satisfied after that simple push off a cliff. He needed more.</p><p>Donghyuck was knocked out of his thoughts as his computer emitted a small crackling sound, followed by a small, broken whisper of “what the fuck” following afterwards. Finally, he’d woken up. Donghyuck had become pretty bored. </p><p>The boy smiled and looked at the computer screen, grinning widely at the visual of his current boyfriend, Jung Jaehyun, struggling against the ropes burning his skin inside the wooden coffin deep in the ground. A small oxygen tank was in there with him, along with a small phone which Donghyuck could use to talk to the boy.</p><p>“Hi baby! How do you feel?” Donghyuck gleefully asked, humming to himself as he continued packing up his boxes.</p><p>“Donghyuck-ah? What the fuck is going on? This isn’t funny!” Jaehyun quickly spoke out, his voice slightly hoarse as he continued struggling.</p><p>“Now now, I’d calm down a little. Your oxygen tank only has about ten minutes worth of air, and even if you get your ties lose, you still won't be able to escape all that dirt on top of you, Jaehyunnie.” Donghyuck said casually, eliciting a cry from the man in the soil.</p><p>“What is this? Hyuckie... Why?” He said quietly, tears beginning to run down his face as his air trickled down.</p><p>“Shhh. It’ll be over soon.” Donghyuck said as he giggled gently, starting to talk about nothing in particular while Jaehyun begged for his life. It was quite sweet ho him how Jaehyun stopped struggling and just... gave in. That was quite unusual to the man Donghyuck had come to know at first; a strong, independent and yet caring person who would fiercely defend the ones he loves. It gave him that same sick sense of pleasure to see another man crumbling up because of him, and only him.</p><p>Around 8 minutes later, Jaehyun started to choke.</p><p>“Goodnight, Jaehyunnie.” Donghyuck said softly as he watched Jaehyun try to break free again. He watched with a smile as Jaehyun choked and choked and gurgled and spat until he lost the battle, succumbing to the welcoming arms of death inviting him in through the man he loved. Realistically, it was only about time before Donghyuck snapped again for some unknown reason.</p><p>With that fateful end, Donghyuck closed his laptop and packed it away, ready to move across the world yet again.</p>
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